Still procrastinating writing yesterday's life update so have more edgy teenage thought dumps
If you could erase something from your life, what would it be? Who would you be without it?
If I could erase something from my life, it would be this constant, choking self-awareness. It feels like I’m watching myself live instead of actually living, like I’m trapped behind a one-way mirror, forever analyzing, forever dissecting. It’s exhausting. I don’t even know when it started—was it when I first realized my friends didn’t really like me? When I overheard my mom saying I was “difficult”? Or maybe it’s always been there, some parasite growing alongside me. Without it, who would I be? Someone lighter, I think. Someone who doesn’t spiral over every word I say, wondering if it was wrong, if it was stupid. I’d laugh louder, love harder, stop trying to be perfect—whatever that even means. But then I wonder if without this hyper-awareness, would I lose the way I understand the world? The way I notice things others don’t? Like how people’s voices falter when they’re lying, or how the sky looks bruised before it rains. Maybe it’s my self-awareness that makes me see the beauty and the brokenness in everything. Would I erase it, then? Maybe not. Because even if it feels like a curse most days, it’s still mine. It’s shaped me, carved me into this version of myself. And maybe, just maybe, I’m not ready to give her up yet.
Anything else?
I've got too many tests coming up after the winter breakkkkkkkk. Chem, Physics, Bio, and Maths??? Kill me now!!!
have a good day!!