I'm done with the thoughtful stuff, I need a grammatically incorrect impassioned rant on why meerkats aren't real that reads like a 10 year old drug addict's sleep deprived ramblings.
MEERKATS AREN'T REAL
I have never seen a meerkat outside of a zoo, wildlife documentary, or social media post. Coincidence? I think not. I am convinced that in zoos, they’re a byproduct of mirrors and light tricks. In wildlife documentaries and social media posts, they are CGI! Meerkats are a bunch of squirrels in costumes that went viral because of clever marketing from the Big Nature conglomerate. They’re unrealistically idealized. What kind of animal stands up like a tiny person, looks adorable, and also has a functioning "sentinel" system? Clearly, someone made them up to sell calendars and plush toys. They’re like unicorns, a myth. Suspiciously perfect and no actual proof behind them. Their name also doesn’t make sense! “Meerkat”? Meer is Dutch for lake and kat is Dutch for cat (according to my surface level research and shitty Dutch skills, don’t quote me on this). Lake Cat? Meerkats don’t live near lakes! They are allegedly in the desert! This is proof that they aren’t real, otherwise they’d be named "Desert Rat Lookalike" or "Overly Dramatic Rodent." But of course, they don’t actually live in the desert so we may forgive the name. If they actually lived in the desert then they'd have learned to build air-conditioned homes like termites. Why are they still just "standing there" in the sun? It’s as if Big Nature forgot to give them basic survival instincts. Also why do meerkats like Timon (The Lion King) or the “compare the meerkat” commercials have such human-like behaviors? It's because they're designed to be relatable, not real. Meerkats also don’t fit into the evolutionary chain. How did such a goofy, awkward-looking animal survive? They’re small, loud, and spend most of their time standing up like targets. They were created in the 1990s when Big Nature decided nature needed a new cutesy idiot to promote conservation efforts.
Anything else?
yeah, i got tired of the smart stuff quick. Fuck the em dash, I'm done using it.
have a good day!!